When a Family Member Is Struggling

Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health is heartbreaking. You want to help, but you might not know what to do or say. Here's how to show up for a family member who's going through a hard time.

Understanding What They're Going Through

Mental health struggles—depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, or others—are medical conditions, not character flaws. Your loved one isn't choosing to feel this way, and they can't just "snap out of it."

What might look like laziness, selfishness, or withdrawal is often:

• Exhaustion from fighting an invisible battle
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Fear of being a burden or judged
• Feeling numb, hopeless, or disconnected

Try to separate the person from the illness. They're still in there, even when the condition makes them hard to recognize.

What Actually Helps

Be present without trying to fix:

• Sometimes people just need someone to sit with them, not solve their problems
• Say: "I'm here. You're not alone in this."
• Resist the urge to offer solutions unless they ask for advice

Listen without judgment:

• Let them talk without interrupting or minimizing
• Don't say "it could be worse" or "just think positive"
• Validate their feelings: "That sounds really hard. I'm sorry you're going through this."

Offer concrete support:

• Instead of "let me know if you need anything," try specific offers:
  • "I'm bringing dinner Tuesday. What sounds good?"
  • "Can I come over and help with laundry this weekend?"
  • "I'm free Thursday afternoon. Want me to go to your appointment with you?"

Respect their autonomy:

• You can't force someone to get help or feel better
• Support their decisions, even when you disagree
• Ask how you can help instead of assuming

What Not to Do

Don't minimize their experience:

• "Everyone gets sad sometimes" dismisses the severity of their struggle
• "You have so much to be grateful for" adds guilt to their pain

Don't make it about you:

• This isn't the time for "when I was depressed, I just..."
• Your feelings are valid, but share them with someone else, not the person who's struggling

Don't give up on them:

• Depression and mental illness can make people push others away
• Keep showing up, even when they're not responsive
• Send a text, leave a note, drop off a meal—small gestures matter

Encouraging Professional Help

If your loved one isn't already getting professional support, you might gently suggest it:

"I love you, and I can see you're really suffering. I think talking to a therapist or doctor might help. Would you be open to that? I can help you find someone or come with you to the first appointment."

If they're resistant, don't push—but keep the door open. Sometimes it takes time.

Recognizing a Crisis

Take it seriously if your loved one:

• Talks about suicide, death, or not wanting to be here
• Gives away belongings or says goodbye in unusual ways
• Engages in reckless or self-destructive behavior
• Seems hopeless or says things like "everyone would be better off without me"

If you're worried they might hurt themselves, don't leave them alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) for guidance, or take them to the emergency room.

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting someone with mental illness is emotionally exhausting. You can't pour from an empty cup:

• Set boundaries around what you can and can't do
• Seek your own support—therapy, support groups, trusted friends
• Take breaks when you need them without guilt
• Remember: you're not responsible for fixing them or keeping them alive through sheer willpower

You can love someone deeply and still need space to care for yourself.

Hope and Healing

Mental health conditions are treatable. Recovery isn't always linear, but it's possible. With the right support—professional help, medication if needed, lifestyle changes, and loving people—many people get better.

Your presence matters more than you know. Keep showing up.

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This resource is educational and not a substitute for professional mental health support. If someone is in crisis, call or text 988 or go to the nearest emergency room.